Photos of the Journey!

A year in review...with photos! I hate that I can't show their precious faces. We have so many awesome photos, but these will have to do for confidentiality purposes! Just a little fun photo scrapbook of a crazy year.

The first day these 2 little guys came to our home. November 17...my birthday :)

My nephew. K-man's instant best friend.

Painting pumpkins. I still remember these early days so vividly and laugh at them now. I had no earthly idea what to do with a 3-year-old...

That is a huge bowl of broccoli. Snack of choice on this day. The Lord blessed us with one good eater out of two :)

The zoo. Love these pictures of K-man and I, just getting to know one another...bonding as we watch a momma gorilla lovingly care for her little one.

And another fun zoo shot. This was a sweet day among many difficult ones in the beginning.

K-man...quite the builder and loves puzzles.

Would not stand still after a late-night visit from our agency workers caroling and delivering fun gifts.

A really sweet opportunity to join my uncle-in-law and ring the Salvation Army Bell. Teaching K-man to be generous, and he blew us away with his selflessness at the age of 3.

Family Christmas celebration with my husband's family, and we had some special visitors!

One of my personal favorite Christmas gifts last year. He loved this sooo much!

Gifts, gifts, gifts! This boy is so loved.

Baking...a favorite together activity for us :)

 K-man LOVES trains. Good thing my parents, Bebe and Doc, live nestled among countless railroad tracks! Makes for some very exciting visits.

 A guitar for Christmas just like my husband's. A really fun gift to give.

 Football on Christmas day with the family.

MLK Jr. Day at the Children's Museum. We made a fun craft and enjoyed a great day, until the worst melt-down ever as we tried to leave. Yikes!

 Easter! A fun day spent at a park with my husband's family. This was a real milestone when we really felt like we were starting to feel like family and were able to enjoy time with our extended family without feeling the need to hover over K-man and watch his every move like a hawk. This was a great day. 5 months after they came. It's probably taken close to the full year to really feel like a family.

The tricycle. Quite a task getting him to pedal forward instead of backwards. Now, he's all over the place on his big boy bike. Man, where does the time go??

 FUN!!! This makes me miss summer so bad! Such sweet times.

******************2 months at home******************

A dear friend met us at the park after he came back to our house. Sweet to see this friend love my boys so dearly.

The big boy bike for his birthday. Seriously...when did he get so big??

"Helping" the plumber who came to fix the kitchen sink.

Fun on the driveway! It is so wonderful to be able to let them loose to play together!

K-man was asked to draw a picture of his family. I adore this picture. Even Layla made an appearance!

B-boy putting the baseball bat into the basketball goal...a common occurence.

 Railway museum...another wonderful day. It was a good day, because it was nestled right in the middle of the really awful month we had after they returned to our home in June. I was so thankful to have my parents with us that weekend to help us endure and give out new mercies to these kids when we really didn't feel like it sometimes.

 Doc splurged and got K-man a ticket in the engine with the conductor. Let's be honest, the train hardly moved at all, but K-man was THRILLED!

 B-boy has already begun nurturing his own infatuation with cars, much to my husband's delight. Such a bundle of joy, this one :)

Yes, that is K-man driving a forklift. This evening is not an overly fond memory due to K-man's horrendous behavior, but the fork-lift ride, however undeserved, was really fun. Thinking back on this evening really makes me stand in awe at how far he has come. Wow, God has been so gracious.

 4th of July...an old fashioned water balloon toss.

 I got traded in for a new partner.

 First time to put his toes in the ocean!!! Now this week was AMAZING! I can't even tell you the blessing this was amidst very trying days. The memories made were invaluable in helping us to come through some of those attachment issues the second time around. Plus, my parents were with us! We really had the best time.

 K-man did a lot of digging. We kept him busy digging for treasure often and got a lot of one-on-one conversation while he worked.

 This supposedly said his name...not even close, but creative nonetheless.

 Apple Picking on the farm...among other things! K-man milked Buttercup, the cow. Still talks about this.

 Caption: "Please don't squeeze too hard, please don't squeeze to hard, please don't squeeze too hard..."

 I want a goat...bad. B-boy agrees. Husband does not...

 The super cape!!! For the Super Friend!! Couldn't have been more thankful to God on this day.

 Pumpkin carving...another fun first! No one is more shocked than me that K-man actually put his hand in there. It didn't last long...

 Best buds...looking at the fish in the pond at the pumpkin patch. Fish...another new love for K-man and B-boy. They both adore fish lately. It all started when Doc took K-man fishing at the pier this summer. Wow...what a day for K-man! We still talk about it often :)

 Poppy and B-boy with our neice. These three have a lot of fun :)

 Chilling with Uncle Bump. So sweet how they are very much a part of the family these days.

Prison Letters

"The Lord sets the prisoners free."

Ps. 146:7

Our boys' mother is in prison. I won't go into any more detail than that. I figure it's safe to share this for 2 reasons.

1. Imprisonment is public information. The only way we found out was by googling (I'll discuss that more later).

2. We need to pray, and I want as many people lifting this woman up as possible.

K-man and B-boy have had scheduled visits with their mother (we'll call her T) for several months now - twice a week at the courthouse. T rarely attends, but she attended a visit on October 4. After October 4, she stopped coming once again. My husband and I had just been told recently that we could google T's name and find out a lot of interesting information. Since we feel like no one else involved with this case is doing sufficient research, we decided it was time to turn to google. When we googled her name, my heart stopped. The entire google image directory was filled with mug shots - the earliest one dating back to when she was only 17 years old. We found out her birthdate - only a few days shy of my husbands. We were litterally smacked in the face with a dark picture of this woman's life up until this point. On a hunch, I googled her name once again after a week or two of missed visits, and I discovered that she had been arrested on October 5. Then, I proceeded to e-mail everyone involved in the case to share the news. Let that sink in and convince you just how broken this system is...

Anyway, this is when the story gets interesting! I have a dear friend at church who does faithful work in prison ministry. I have frequently shared with her our situation and asked her to keep her eyes peeled for T from time to time. I went to this friend and shared with her the news that T is, once again, in prison, and I was able to tell her which prison it was. This friend contacted the prison and learned that she would not be able to visit T unless her name was listed on T's visitation list. My friend was instructed to purchase a blank white postcard at the post office, write a note to T, and ask to be placed on the visitation list. Then, she was given T's personal address in prison. What an opportunity! Well, I marched right into the post office, bought about 50 of those postcards, and gave them out to some of the most godly women I know who are a part of my family of faith. Since that day, women have been showering T with postcards of love, encouragement, and glimpses of the gospel. What a beautiful picture of the body of Christ at work.

Now, I wish I could tell you that my faith in unshakable, but the truth is that I have been so tempted, recently, to give up on this woman, which I'm realizing is extremely sinful - not because God will save her, but because God can save her. Even though I may not be saying these words out loud, my heart is tempted to believe that this woman is maybe just a little too far gone for God, but he's reminding me that He can save whomever He wants, whenever He wants, however He wants, and it's not my business to know His plans. It is my job to faithfully present the gospel, and believe that He is able, even if He doesn't. Colossians 2:13 tells us that we were all at one time dead in our sin. It's not like some of us were treading water, no we were all 100% dead. I need to fight the temptation to think that I or anyone else had anything to do with my salvation. It is just as miraculous that God would breathe life into my heart as it would be for God to breathe life into T's heart. Both of us had the same problem, and neither of us could do anything about it. 

"But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,  not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

Ephesians 2:4-10

Yesterday, my friend received a postcard from T. Typed below are the words that we've been crying over for the past 2 days! Before you read, please note that when she refers to her children she'll never see again, that is her assessment of the situation. As far as I know, that is far from true.

Hello Mrs. _____________,

    I want to first and foremost say thank you for sendin your love and prayers my way.  When i received the postcard i cried because I dont get mail can you please ask ms. E to send me pictures of my children I will never see again let her know i said thanks 4 caring for my boys & i love her.  You were placed on my list the min you asked.  Monday visitation is... Please send pictures please Thanks 4 prayin 4 me let Ms. E knw I am really tryin & Thanks!! keep me in your prayers and i'll see you soon.  Ty 

                                 I will like to thank God for placing ppl in my life who really care  Ty  Mrs. ____________

Praise God! I do think she will be incarcerated for a while. I'm thankful for His Sovereignty over that, and I am praying that through this dark period, He will use many of us to reveal His gospel to T. 

• Pray for her - that the Lord would save her and radically change her life, and that He would continue to use our church in the process. 
• Pray for my friend, who hopes to visit with her on Monday. 
• Pray for one other woman, who also asked to be added to her visitation list. 
• Pray that each of us would be wise in our interations with her - that He would shield us from naivety but that we would exude His love and grace.

Forgiveness

Much of my growth over the last year and a half has centered around this word. The other day at church, a dear friend of mine shared a humbling and convicting Truth with me. It speaks to a lot of the same things I have been learning this year, but it has also challenged me this week to think even more deeply about grace and about forgiveness. I thought I would share it here.

We often find ourselves in the difficult situation of waiting for someone to apologize for their wrong-doing. Sometimes it takes an hour. Sometimes it takes a day. Sometimes it takes weeks, months, years. Sometimes we may never hear that apology or see that remorse. My friend reminded me to remember the cross - specifically that when Jesus willingly died for me, I was not kneeling before him pleading for forgiveness. I was mocking, spitting, and hating the One who would save me from my sin.

"For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die - but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:8

This is where I can draw my strength to repeatedly and genuinely forgive children who display months of hateful behavior with no glimmer of remorse. This is where I can draw my strength to repeatedly and genuinely forgive biological mothers who have a lengthy criminal record, no sense of personal accountability, and no feeling of remorse for the trauma they inflict on their own children. I'm preaching to myself here, can you tell? Where I have difficulty forgiving, I need to put myself right back at the feet of the cross once again and reject the temptation to think of myself any more highly than those who wrong me or wrong those who are important to me. Apart from His grace, I was an enemy of God, hostile in mind, doing evil deeds (Colossians 1:21), and He died in my place on a cross while I laughed in His face. 

Lord, help me to forgive those who do evil in this world while laughing in my face. Help me to trust You, the Sovereign Judge. Help me to be faithful in my job as a parent and as a believer. Use me to admonish others and to help weed out the evil that pervades the hearts of my kids and the hearts of those around me, but help me first to forgive them fully and love them sacrificially.

It's about time...

OK...I'm really going to do it. I'm finally going to sit down and try to write a succinct blog encompassing all that's going on in our little home. Then, I'm really going to try to be more faithful about posting once a week or so. To those of you who have given me guilt trips and harassed me to the point of blogging, I thank you. It really has been a whirlwind, and I hate that the lack of time has forced me to neglect my blog! Here we go...

K-man's behavior

I have no words. I don't even know where to start. The growth we have seen is nothing short of miraculous. Let me take you back to July...After 7 months of getting to know this child, here's what we learned. K-man had one emotional response to all uncomfortable situations. Scared? Anger! Lack of confidence? Anger! Frustrated? Anger! Impatient? Anger! Sad? Anger! Nervous? Anger! Our challenge was trying to peel back those layers of anger and get to the heart of the issue which often was not anger at all. When his anger reared it's ugly head, at the moment, it did so in the form of disrespect, name calling, attitude, and the occasional acting out. We have come a long way since the very beginning when he was frequently prone to hitting, kicking, biting, or throwing. We started therapy, which was quite helpful. I also received some good advice from our agency as well as advice from dear friends - amazing Christian parents with wonderful kids who center their parenting entirely around the gospel. Sifting through all of this and deciding (with my husband) on which strategies to employ was challenging, but we moved forward, and God, in His grace, has shown us over and over and over again that He is in control and that He is moving in the heart of this precious boy. Please continue to pray for this process. For those who are in similar situations, here's what we found that worked:

• Strategy 1: Give as little attention as possible when an episode occurs. I would calmly say, "K-man, if you do _______ one more time, I'll have to __________." I'm becoming an expert at thinking of consequences on the spot...haha...it really is a skill that I've had to hone. Then, I often walk out of the room or at least turn my back and give him time to think about his choice without the attention. 90% of the time, he chooses wisely and we move on. In the other 10%, I calmly and quickly follow through with the consequence. If it sends him into a rage, I will follow with another calm consequence, "K-man, if you cannot calm down, we'll have to _____________." Usually, after a series of 2 or 3, he calms down, and we move on. We know this is nothing revolutionary, but for a while, we were requiring an apology before we would forgive and reconcile. We would punish him, then we would sit and talk with him about what had happened, expecting it to end with remorse and apologies. All of a sudden, we weren't getting that any more. We would punish, try to talk, and only get more and more and more anger.  While we still longed for that remorse, we really had to abandon that expectation for a week or two. The great news is that with patience and perseverance, we have come back around to being able to expect remorse and apologies. This strategy, however, was a bridge to that end. In those days, he had emotions running wild that were spilling over in unacceptable, irrational ways. The kindest thing we could do was to give clear boundaries and a whole lot of grace.
• Strategy 2: Offer healthy ways to express anger. A $5 Wal-Mart punching bag worked pretty well at our house. If he started to act angry, we would ask him if he needed to go hit the punching bag. He knew that he could do that with no negative consequence, or he could act out and be punished. It really was a good tool for him during those difficult days. 
• Strategy 3: Give freedom to express emotions and put words to their feelings. We found a lot of success in getting him to come to one of us and tell us he was angry. Since then, we've even been able to help him sift through emotions by asking, "Are you sure you're angry? K-man, I think you might be a little nervous with all of these new people around. Do you want to come sit in my lap for a few minutes?" Now, he can distinguish the two, and he'll tell me, "Ms. E, I'm a little nervous." Or he'll come to me and hold out his arms to be picked up. We praise God for this on a daily basis.

I hope these are helpful to someone. Again, it's not rocket science, but these small adjustments helped us tremendously as we were trying to keep our heads above water. I'll also say this - do not try to be an island!!! Do not convince yourself that you're the only one who would ever get to the end of your rope and need help. I hit rock bottom a couple of times, and I was so thankful for my agency and for dear friends and family who talked with me, took my kids for a couple of hours, and more! If you are a foster parent, you will have some very ugly thoughts and feelings...do not hide them...be transparent and get some help!

So, how is K-man's behavior these days? (and more importantly, how is his heart?) He started school in August. Each Friday, they award the "Super Cape" to the Super Friend in the class. On the second week of school, K-man was given the Super Friend Cape. His teachers told me it was because he was kind to the other kids, great at sharing, very respectful, and just a joy to be around. At home, we've had no acting out behavior in the last 2 to 3 months. We're able to discipline for some deeper heart and attitude issues without fear of angry eruptions. He cries more often than he gets angry now!! We have no need for the punching bag. He has become quite the little greeter at church...greeting everyone with eye contact, standing still, answering questions, yes ma'am, no sir. Many of these things are just subjective behaviors, we realize. Whether he says "yes ma'am" or not, what we really care about is his heart, and I can tell you that God has brought him to an entirely different place these days. God has torn down fears that paralyzed K-man, he has built in trust of others, respect for authority, and a kind, gentle, compassionate spirit. We cannot say enough amazing things about God's work in his life.

B-Boy Update

Well, believe it or not, the little 5-month-old affectionately known as B-Boy has turned into a 16-month-old, who walks, runs, dances, talks, throws fits, and more! He is a busy boy, and just as full of joy as he always has been. If you don't come at dinner time, you'll probably leave thinking he's a complete angel...haha! Disciplining 2 children has definitely proved more challenging than disciplining 1, but play time with 2 has also proved to be infinitely sweeter. We love these boys more than we can say.

My Husband and I

My husband's back has been better lately. He's not had any flare-ups, and he received his second spinal cord injection on Friday. This week we should know whether that is going to provide relief or not. We finally got several home projects finished that were put on hold with his back issues and the boys' return. The house is less chaotic, and for that we are so grateful. Our schedule has also changed tremendously. K-man is in Pre-K every day from 8:30am-3pm. I was very wary of that transition and pretty convinced that it wasn't going to work. I was poised and ready to pull him out if things didn't go well, but thankfully, it has been such a sweet blessing in his life. He has thrived in this school setting, both socially and academically! He adores school. He loves his friends. He is facing fears every day and overcoming them. It's been a real blessing from the Lord, and I'm thankful He led us in that direction. B-boy  is also in a MMO program one morning a week, so I'm just finding a bit more time to myself, and more time to focus on my little man. Those 4 hours in the evenings before bed time are all the sweeter, so life is just really in a sweet spot right now.

Court

Blah...here's where it gets ugly. For the sake of honoring confidentiality agreements, I won't be able to share much here. Just suffice it to say that we're deeply discouraged by the tone of this court case. We're concerned about our judge's ideas of what should happen, and we're praying constantly that the Lord would protect these boys by not sending them home. You know that my husband and I are very pro-family, so it's taken us a lot to get to this point. Pray for their protection. Pray that we would continue to love their momma, but pray that she would be given responsibility and accountability. Pray that decisions made would be wise decisions that consider the health and well-being of these 4 precious boys.

The Older Brothers

We had our first opportunity last weekend to take all 4 boys out for a day trip. We went to the zoo and to a local (quite famous) burger place. We had such a great time! We are thankful that these boys are in what seems to be a great foster home. Their hearts, likewise, are being molded into kind, respectful, obedient young men. Pray for wisdom as we think through our involvement in their future as well. The Lord is really giving us more and more tenderness and love towards those 2 boys.