Bad Days...

Ever since we made the big announcement to staff, friends, and family, I have had a long string of bad days. I've been sick, but mostly, I've been battling a lot of self-doubt. I feel like around every turn, there's yet another reminder of something that I didn't do well recently. These are the words of condemnation that are flooding my thoughts:

You're too irresponsible to take this on.
Your house is a mess...you can't even keep up with your current to-do list.
What makes you think you could keep this kind of family together if you can't even keep it together with you, your husband, and your (presently) 2 dogs?
You're getting lazy.
...and so on and so forth.

I'm hoping that today is rock bottom and that soon I will bounce back. In the meantime, I'm trying desperately to convince myself of these promises:

Phillippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
I don't like to throw this verse around often. I think all too often we take this to mean that we can do anything we set our minds to (a very American idea, for sure). Instead, I think the Lord gives us strength to accomplish the things HE has set before us. Feeling called to walk this path, I claim this promise, and I also pray that if the Lord would have us to change directions, that he would shut doors and make it very clear. Until then, we press on.

John 10:10 - "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
Romans 8:1 - "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
Words of condemnation that give me a feeling of hopelessness are not the words of the Holy Spirit. At their core, these words are all true...I am not ever going to be good enough or capable enough, but the Holy Spirit tells me "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!" - Galations 2:20-21
I know that this is Truth, and I remind myself of it repeatedly. The reality, however, is that I'm struggling with this today. If you stumble upon this, I would covet your prayers.

Hopefully looking forward to a more upbeat post in a few days!! Just trying to be real.