Taking Thoughts Captive

"We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion 

raised against the knowledge of God, 

and take every thought captive to obey Christ."

2 Cor. 10:5

The Lord has been teaching me a lot lately about taking my thoughts captive. As you can imagine, and as you've probably seen in my posts often, my thoughts can just get away from me sometimes. I'm not often a worrier, but this foster care thing is enough to corrupt the best of us :) Allow me to illustrate what I mean using some of the thoughts that have been creeping into my head most recently since Tuesday's Family Team  Meeting...

What will K-man do if I have to tell him he's going to live somewhere else again and may never come back?
What if they don't let him finish the school year?
Will they be screaming and crying as I put them in the transporter's car with all of their bags to move away?
What if I'm tempted to just hold onto them both and not let them rip them out of my hands?
Will it be better for me to stay strong for them or show them my broken heart so they will remember how dearly loved they were?
Will they be here for their birthdays?
Will their birthdays come and go without so much as hearing their voices?
How will I ever have another child in this house again?
I don't think I'll ever love another child as much as I love these boys.
What if no one tells them they love them?
What if no one tucks them in at night?
What if B-boy only eats Cheetos every day for the rest of his childhood?
What if their hearts harden?

...and on and on it goes.

Some would say I'm entitled to these thoughts. They may be understandable, but at their core, they are anxious thoughts that deny a Sovereign God who is in absolute control of all things on this earth. It's similar to the feeling I get when I hear the age-old phrase, "Oh...I just don't think I could ever do what you do. I could NEVER love these kids and watch them leave." I get it. I do. BUT we need to really think about what that phrase might be saying about our faith. At the center of that phrase might just be a lack of faith in a very big and mighty God. If that has been your thought, I challenge you to check your heart.

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, 

for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. 

Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Matthew 6:34

So...here are some things that have helped me in seasons like this.

I often heed Elisabeth Elliott's reminder that there is no grace for our imaginations. He's simply not pouring out grace for whatever horrible scenario I can dream up. He is in the business of giving all-sufficient grace for every real life trial that comes my way. I need not worry. His grace will be there to greet me. In the same spirit, I had a friend tell me once that God didn't intend for us to live things over and over and over. He meant for us to live them once, and He intends to sustain us. I need not start living that day until that day comes, with all of the grace that has been poured out on me in every trial before.

I read the Old Testament. I like to think on the great things He has done. He encourages us over and over again throughout scripture - from Genesis to Revelation, He encourages His people to remember His past faithfulness. My dear friend called and shared Psalm 77 with me just the other day. What a precious Psalm to meditate on, primarily because it causes us to look at God's past faithfulness, not our present circumstance, to increase our faith and devotion to the Almighty God.

Psalm 77

I cry aloud to God,
    aloud to God, and he will hear me.
In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord;
    in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;
    my soul refuses to be comforted.

When I remember God, I moan;
    when I meditate, my spirit faints. Selah

You hold my eyelids open;
    I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
I consider the days of old,
    the years long ago.
I said, “Let me remember my song in the night;
    let me meditate in my heart.”
    Then my spirit made a diligent search:
“Will the Lord spurn forever,
    and never again be favorable?

Has his steadfast love forever ceased?
    Are his promises at an end for all time?
Has God forgotten to be gracious?
    Has he in anger shut up his compassion?” Selah

Then I said, “I will appeal to this,
    to the years of the right hand of the Most High.”

I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
    yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
I will ponder all your work,
    and meditate on your mighty deeds.
Your way, O God, is holy.
    What god is great like our God?
You are the God who works wonders;
    you have made known your might among the peoples.
You with your arm redeemed your people,
    the children of Jacob and Joseph. Selah

When the waters saw you, O God,
    when the waters saw you, they were afraid;
    indeed, the deep trembled.
The clouds poured out water;
    the skies gave forth thunder;
    your arrows flashed on every side.
The crash of your thunder was in the whirlwind;
    your lightnings lighted up the world;
    the earth trembled and shook.
Your way was through the sea,
    your path through the great waters;
    yet your footprints were unseen.
You led your people like a flock
    by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

I also do my best to be honest. I'm thankful for the Psalms. I use them often. God has given us such a gift in the Psalms and even through many of the prophets. He has put his stamp of approval on some words that, honestly, seem downright faithless and disrespectful at times. He's given me these words that I, myself, can pour out to Him, because each and every time the Holy Spirit has written the words in such a way as to turn our hearts back to Him.

Psalm 13

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
    and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
    light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,

lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
    lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
    my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
    because he has dealt bountifully with me.

Finally, I think about heaven. It is often the only thing that sustains me. I teach fitness classes and often tell my class, "We have 15 seconds left. You can do anything for 15 seconds..." I guess that's what the promise of heaven does for all of us. When we know for certain that this life and these trials and this world and this sin is temporary, we can press on in hope of an eternity in glory.

"But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward 

to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness."

2 Peter 3:13

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.'"

Revelation 21:1-4