Prayer needed

I hate that I'm just now updating, but we are in need of prayer. We've had a long string of wonderful days this summer! That's why I hate to just be posting now. I owe you a huge update about birthday parties, sibling visits, and all the wonderful fruit we've seen in the lives of these 2 boys! Unfortunately, this is not that post. K-man's behavior has tanked the past few days, and I mean big time. We are literally falling to our knees praying for wisdom, patience, and love. I am, yet again, confronted by my sinful nature that wants to give up on it all. Please pray that we would believe in the gospel and that the Holy Spirit would continue to empower us to lay down our lives for these kids for His glory. Pray that we would find our security and our peace in Christ. Pray that the Lord would grant us wisdom every moment. Pray that we would be encouraged along the way. Pray that my husband and I would remain a strong unit through this difficult period. Pray that we would display the fruit of the Spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.

They're back!!

Well, the boys are back, and no one is more shocked or surprised than we are. I don't have long to post, so I won't be able to give you much of a window into my emotion right now, but I'll do my best in a few words. To say I cried when I found out would be the understatement of the century. I almost had a full-blown panic attack. We're talking uncontrollable sobbing, indecipherable speech, and near hyperventilating...haha! In one huge rush, everything came flooding into my brain... Our house was a wreck with several home projects still in the works. Ricky's back is still very touch and go I had to plan and teach a class this morning with the boys in child care again...yikes! The crib needed to move There was an extra mattress sitting in K-man's room. We had no food. My parents are coming to visit this weekend. Add that and more on top of my broken heart upon hearing this emotionally charged news - not knowing what had reslly happened to my precious boys, and I found myself wanting to close this door, forget it ever happened, and just proceed with the somewhat self-centered life I had been able to lead for the past 2 months. That being said, however, I knew the second I got the call that we had to take them back. To say that God has sustained us would also be a huge understatement. I woke up early this morning and practically ripped open the pages of my Bible. Not really knowing where to begin, I started with the first chapter of the book of James, because i'm in a Bible study on James all summer. I read James 1:1-18 and was, once again, speechless at the love of my savior, Jesus Christ. I am so tempted to think that i have somehow reached my quota of trials and paid my dues, but James tells me that I need to let steadfastness have it's full effect, and so I press on...in His strength. By the end of tonight, after the boys came to us late last night, it almost feels like they never left. Praise the Lord who is a Father to the fatherless and let's us join in this wild ride with Him.

Oops!

I forgot to keep you posted! Haha...oops! Little Guy, while he was adorable and a lot of fun, was not a member of our little family for very long. He left for court at 7:30am on Thursday, May 31, and at noon, I had heard nothing. I tried to call the case manager. My agency was trying to call as well. Finally, at 5:30pm(!!!!!!) the case manager answered my agency's phone call and said, "Ohhh...I was just about to call you..." (likely story...) Little Guy had gone home that morning. We're at the point where we just have to laugh. Were it not for us hounding them with phone calls, they may have never thought it necessary to call us or our agency to tell us he would not be coming home to us. Crazy!

So, our house is empty again. Here is a snapshot of what's been going on at our little house since the boys left...

First...we went here (thanks to our amazing agency who surprised us and rewarded us for recruiting a couple of new foster families last year)

Then, my husband's sister got married with a DIY reception, so the next week with my newly freed up calendar, I got to work on this fun project with my amazing in-laws...

Then, I got down to business reorganizing, purging clutter, and taking on some home projects that have been on the to-do list for quite some time. With my new realization that having kids around = no time to do these things, I jumped in with both feet to get as much done as possible! This is our kitchen table and hutch that we're (very slowly) refinishing. Seriously...will this project ever end??

One of my favorite projects has been in response to my sweet, although sometimes precarious, time with K-man in the house. We've chosen several scripture passages to display all over the house using vinyl lettering. Some will be useful teaching tools. Others are intended to be an encouragement to myself and to my husband when the walls start to close in. The Lord has already used this first one many times to encourage and challenge me.

Unfortunately, shortly after I took on all of said home projects, my husband was diagnosed with a herniated disc in his back, so the last few months of his life have looked an awful lot like this...

He started struggling with this about a month before the boys went home, but it really flared up soon after they left, putting him in the bed for several days and forcing him to now spend most, if not all, of his time either standing or lying down. He's been slowly improving until this past weekend, when he wound up right back where he started for no apparent reason. We are thankful to have this window of time when he's able to recuperate without the added stress of kids in the house. I, on the other hand, find it difficult at times to rest in this new season of life. I've spent a good bit of my time babysitting my friends' kids, and this past week, I had a good amount of responsibility for Vacation Bible School at our church to keep me busy. The reality is, though, that I miss being a mom, and I'm anxious to fill those shoes again. I'm thankful that He is sovereign and knows exactly what I need (even when I might be tempted to disagree :).

Oh yeah...and then, of course, we had about 48 sweet hours of this...

Before I close, I want to give you a quick update on K-man and B-boy. We have been overwhelmed by the gift of being able to talk with K-man, B-boy, their 2 older brothers, and their momma once a week since they went home. Their mother sought this out, and we couldn't be more thrilled. Hearing their voices, knowing they're ok, singing songs, hearing them laugh, and hearing them say "I love you," have all been precious gifts that we never expected to have. Unfortunately, we recently heard that things were not well in their family, and just last week the phone number we have used to stay in touch with them was disconnected. Right before the phone was disconnected, I had a neat 20-minute conversation with their momma, and she opened up to me about many of her struggles. My husband and I have looked into a potentially life-changing opportunity for her two older boys, but once we started putting all of those pieces in place, the phone was disconnected. I try calling every day, but I'm not sure if we'll hear from them again or not. For me, it's been a grieving process all over again. I had really gotten used to the idea of hearing those voices and being reassured of their well-being once a week. I had also gotten really excited about the possibilities presented by this amazing opportunity. With this new chapter, I'm having to remind myself of His Sovereignty daily and find rest. Again, I have to make sure I say that every twinge of grief comes coupled with about ten times as much joy, but I'm starting to miss them in a whole new way.

Please pray:

• that my husband's back would heal. Until then, however, pray that He would find contentment and that the Lord would produce spiritual growth during these discouraging days.
• for the safety and well-being of K-man and B-boy's family
• for K-man and B-boy's mom 
• that we would be able to reconnect with K-man & B-boy's family
• for His timing in bringing the next children into our home. We have a few respite weeks/weekends on our calendar, but we're holding off on taking any more placements until my husband's back heals.

"I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. 

I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. 

In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing 

plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 

I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

Philippians 4:11-13

Little Guy

Well, after much confusion, Little Guy did finally come to live with us on Tuesday evening. His mother had signed papers to give custody to the state on Sunday. On Monday, our agency had gone to the hospital, waited for 4 hours for discharge paperwork, gone to pull the car around to load Little Guy up for the ride. Then, all of the sudden his mom returned and had potentially changed her mind. Not really knowing the law amidst all of the confusion, the nurses at the hospital would not discharge our Little Guy, so he stayed one more night in the hospital. Then, we got the call to pick him up Tuesday evening in order to stay with us at least until court today (Thursday).

He was born at 6 lbs. 10.2 ounces, so he's a tiny little thing. We've never had a baby quite this small, so we're on the learning curve for sure. I think my husband is in heaven. We've discovered he just adores babies. Sleepless nights and all, he's pretty fun to have around, but now we're still waiting for news from court this morning. He may go home with mom today or he may come back to us. If he comes back here, we're going to have to get down to business...pulling out my baby books again and getting this little one to sleep at night!

I'll keep you posted!

It's a boy! Welcome Little One!

We welcome a 3-day-old baby boy into our family this evening! It was quite unexpected and unplanned. We have been intentionally taking a break since the boys went home, because my husband is rehabilitating a herniated disc in his back. When we got this call, however, we both felt compelled to say, "yes." The basic gist is that this Caucasian baby boy is actually being placed for adoption and will, most likely, be adopted by a family in our agency in 2-6 weeks. They have not yet been through training, so the agency needs someone to take the baby until his permanent home is approved. Thinking of this precious family who has been praying for a baby to have as their own and all of the emotions caught up in their journey and also knowing how rare this is for a Caucasian infant to be placed for adoption voluntarily, we caved! Also, as my husband said, "We're talking 8 pounds! Surely that can't hurt my back!" So last night we said goodbye to a full night's sleep, but we can't wait to meet this little guy and learn what it's like to care for a baby this young. I'll keep you posted. I should have a lot more free time to do so this go-around! One baby? Just sleeping, eating, and diapers? Piece of cake! ...we think.

What We Miss About B-boy

• His crooked smile
• His chipmunk laugh
• Noise...constant noise
• squeals of delight!
• This was mostly annoying at the time, but I look back on it and just laugh. He never learned to roll from his back to his stomach, so I just remember how it got to the point where I could tell by the tone of his voice whether he was on his back or not. He would be absolutely giddy for a little while, but I knew that it would only be a matter of time before he would cry out in despair because he was stuck on his back like a turtle...ridiculous.
• When he had only learned to crawl backwards, he would get himself stuck in corners or half-way underneath chairs. Poor guy, but he gave us lots of laughs.
• Watching him with Layla. Those two were the best of friends, and B-boy could do just about anything to Layla...she just liked having him close.
• His strength! From day one, that boy had muscles of steel.
• The way he would squeal with delight anytime K-man gave him some attention. It was a reaction he didn't give to anyone else.
• That full-faced grin that crept out from behind his pacifier.
• The hair...the Don King hair
• Bath time was not a big hit for a while, but once he could sit up and splash, it was such a fun time, and in the end, when the two boys were in the bath together...those were some of our sweetest moments. So loud! ...So wet! So fun!
• watching him learn to scoot, crawl, stand...can't say it enough, I don't think there is anything better than watching kids learn and develop before your eyes!
• 2 hour play time in the crib around midnight most nights.
• The rattle of the crib heard all over the house. He would turn sideways, put his feet on the side rails and just rock back and forth and laugh :)

B-boy baby, I have to "ditto" most of what we said for your brother. We miss you like crazy, little man, and our home is not the same without you. Everyone who met you quickly adored you, and it's easy to see why. You were just about the happiest kid we've ever known. We pray you will grow to turn that happiness into elated joy over the truth of the gospel. We pray that you will grow to honor your mother and obey her. We pray that you will continue to have strong leadership in your brothers. We pray that the Lord will use your optimism for the sake of His kingdom...that it would help you and those around you to cope during difficult times. He certainly used you in that way in our home. When the going got rough around here, there was always B-boy to lighten the mood and break the ice. Trust in Jesus, B-boy...and lean not on your own understanding. Realize quickly that the things of this world, though they may bring temporary happiness, they are not the source of real joy. Realize these things, repent, and believe the gospel of Jesus Christ. We will not stop hoping in the Lord for these things.

"The Lord bless you and keep you; 

the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; 

the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace."

Numbers 6:24-26

What We Miss About K-man

Ok this list could go on for miles. I'll try to keep it reasonable!!!

• singing the Victor Vito song and the Books of the New Testament song all day
• the way he replaced "v" with "b" and many other sounds with "sh"
• oh that laugh...how we miss that laugh!
• the way he said my name...every 3 seconds...haha!
• hearing him pray...and thank God "for Jesus, who died on the cross for us." I'll miss how he would simultaneously try to say everything that my husband said when praying, but in the end, I'll miss the few times he chose to pray on his own some very sweet, meaningful prayers.
• his amazing creativity
• he had just started to really tell jokes...that was a lot of fun
• listening to him talk to his brother
• his sweet, tender heart toward others - great sharer, being gentle and kind with babies, saying "I love you."
• his compassion - always wanting to pray for and serve people who were hurting
• books!! Oh the love he had for books! Such a fun trait to watch unfold!
• cooking :) it's just not the same in the kitchen by myself these days
• the shouts from the backseat that he literally could not contain - a constant stream of "Ooo, I see a convertible car...Motorcycle...Cement Mixer...Backhoe...Sarge has another brother...American flag...Prius car...etc."
• "Hold up..."
• "This is going to be a special, special surprise!"
• "I had so much fun!"
• His determination and patience when working on a difficult task...such a hard worker and creative spirit.
• "I was patient"
• Watching him conquer his irrational fear of fish...or "sish"
• Frequent references to the "Garbage Barge"...long story
• watching him learn, so diligently, his letters and numbers. There is nothing better than watching children learn!
• hugs and kisses...especially the hugs that required a running leap into my arms :)
• seeing him remorseful once he really started to mature into that concept
• snuggling with popcorn and a movie
• Trainspotting. This was probably the sweetest memory most of us have of K-man if you had the privilege of taking part. For an already high-energy, excited little boy, seeing a real train took it to a whole new level!
• Music time at the library. Wow, he came a long way, and in the end, I was extremely proud of his new-found security in that environment.
• Books he would often recite - "Twirl, twirl...Boogie, boogie down...Shimmy, shimmy, glide...Cookie's arms to the left and to the right...kick, kick, kick...and that's the end!" "I'm a pout-pout fish with a pout-pout face," "Chicka-Chicka-Boom-Boom," "I'm gonna take a trip on my train," "Gox box socks," "Duck had a close shave."
• He loved to drive or ride the stroller through puddles, and he would always say with a huge smile, "Splish, splash, splosh!"
• Evening walks with the wagon
• Picnics in the front yard
• Phrases he picked up, like "Bummer!" (from me) and "Bust my buffers!" (from Thomas the Train)
• "Shake, shake, shake your beanbag..." He LOVED that song
• His fascination with the gospel..."That's a cross...like God died on the cross...and then he rose again."
• He had this funny way of passively making statements that implied a request. Sometimes they were a bit aggravating, but they usually made me laugh. "Ms. _______, y'know...I really like candy...(hint, hint)." or "Ms. _________, what did you say? You said you want me to eat a cookie? Is that what you said?" Haha...too clever for his own good sometimes.
• Towards the end especially, he really wanted to please us and model after us, which was fairly new. He would say, "I don't like bananas," but if I said, "You don't?" He would often say, "Do you like bananas? Me too! I like bananas!"
• bath time
• "saying Spanish"
• playing his "airtar"
• the way he would ONLY play the piano if he had his "fire hat" (fireman's hat) on
• obsession with back flips after the circus (and he was quite good at them)
• his giddiness over riding on my husbands shoulders

Oh, K-man, I'm having to hold back sweet tears just thinking of all this. You were a very bright light in our home, our neighborhood, our town, and our church. I don't think we will ever stop thinking about you. Precious boy, we pray that the Lord would continue to give you a fascination with the gospel...that you would have a hunger for His Truth that you just can't satisfy...desiring to know Him and seeking to glorify Him in all you do. We pray that you will stand as an oak of righteousness one day and that the Lord will use you in incredible ways to bring His love and redemption into the broken lives that surround you. We will never stop hoping in the Lord for these things. 

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners, 

to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn, 

and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of joy

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the Lord

for the display of his splendor."

Isaiah 61:1-3