Expectations

My best advice for future foster parents is to pray hard that the Lord would rid your mind of all expectations. No matter how many times I say it, however, it's still much easier said than done. Each foster child seems to set me up with even more expectations than the one before.

When we got Zizi, we had no idea what to expect, and we were repeatedly pleasantly surprised. The broken system was a surprise, but it wasn't often too much to navigate, especially when we loved that baby girl so much!

When we got Miss M, attachment and interaction was the expectation I had to push through, and within a couple of days, it was behind me, and all was smooth sailing again!

Since we got Emmy, I've had to work through attachment issues even more challenging than before. It's only been a couple of days, and my head says, "Oh, just let go of your expectations! It will come with time! Be realistic!" All the while, my heart doesn't understand. It's a strange feeling caring for a child who you're not attached to, especially in the shadow of 2 others who you were extremely attached to. I'm not broken up about it. I'm not crying at the drop of a hat or anything, but it's a bit uncomfortable, to be honest.

That being said, I've been learning lessons throughout this endeavor, and Emmy has been the catalyst for this latest lesson I'm learning. Somewhere along the way, I think I lost my primary motivation for all of this. Somewhere in the midst of laughing hysterically at Zizi's crazy antics, snuggling on the couch, and precious late-night feedings with Miss M, I let this become more about the kids and less about Jesus Christ. Don't get me wrong, I am called to love the kids, and I most certainly do, but they are not what motivates me. The reality is that many of these kids may not be instant family members like our first 2, and that's ok! I don't need to put that pressure on them, and I don't need to put that pressure on us either. When I turn it around and put all of my focus on obedience to Christ, the lack of attachment doesn't weigh so heavily, and the love that energizes me is much, much stronger! Instead of spending my day thinking, "Oh, Emmy, how I love you!" I need to spend my days thinking, "Oh, Jesus, how I love you!"

What a sweet reminder that has been to me today.

"For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."

2 Corinthians 5:14-21