I went to the office this morning at 10am to pick up Emmy. It's amazing to me how different my emotions are and how different the situation is with each and every child. Emmy has been living with some incredible foster parents since the day she came home from the hospital. They arrived with Emmy this morning, and their hearts were evidently very heavy as they handed her over. I was all alone. My husband, obviously, had to work, so he couldn't be with me. Each of these factors made for an interesting morning.
Emmy is very securely attached to her former foster parents. They are older and have years and years of experience with babies. In a way, I guess I felt some freedom with the last two, knowing the difficult circumstances they were coming from. "Whether I know what I'm doing or not, surely it will be an improvement over their previous home!" I thought.
This situation is different. I feel more of a burden. Somewhere along the way, I've convinced myself that I could somehow really mess this one up! "She's doing so well! Don't blow it!" I think often.
I guess the most overwhelming difference in my relationship with Emmy is that I don't feel at all like she is mine. I feel like she really belongs to her former foster parents and that I am just a babysitter. She's interactive and fun, but I don't feel like her mother yet.
Help me pray that our connection will come with time, and pray for Emmy's mother. This has the potential to be a really long, painful road this time.
Love you Eden! You are awesome.
ReplyDeleteYou are such a blessing......to each one of these children and also to their families. Marilee
ReplyDeleteThe connection will come in no time. The great thing about being a parent is that everyone does things a bit differently and you have so many parents around you to pull from. I've always found that a mother is more than happy to share their successes...and their failures. You won't "mess this one up", you will find your own special way to mother lucky little Emmy.
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