Weeping

"Jesus wept." - John 11:35

At this moment, I find no greater comfort in all of scripture than this passage.

Just a few weeks ago, a dear friend shared with me this devotion from Focus on the Family, and I have reflected on it over and over and over again since reading it the first time:

"In the final analysis, God does not answer the problem of unjust human suffering by explaining it. Instead, He enters into it. In the person of Jesus Christ He experiences what it is like to be unfairly accused, arrested, tried, condemned, beaten, reviled, spit upon and put to death. An innocent Man, He bears the penalty while Barabbas, a criminal and an assassin, goes free. He takes upon Himself the burden of our anguish and pain. He drinks the cup to its dregs without murmur or complaint. In so doing, He demonstrates His love for us and sends us this unmistakable message: the answer to the problem of suffering can't be discovered by means of theological rationalization. The answer to the problem is Jesus."

The sorrow and anguish that I'm feeling is not foreign to God. He has experienced this and more...all on account of my sin. Oh, the grace.

But, I digress...at 11:30am today, I received a voice mail from Emmy's case worker asking me to call her back. The fact that she didn't say anything in her message made me slightly nervous, so I braced myself and dialed the phone.

"Mrs. _________? Yeah...the [name] family's home study has come back approved, so we're looking to move Emmy as soon as possible. All they need to do is get a crib, and they said they're getting one today, so we'll probably move Emmy tomorrow."

...and then it started. Uncontrollable sobbing. Fortunately, by the time I talked to her, I had arrived at the church to teach a fitness class, so I ran upstairs to cry with dear friends in the children's ministry office (as I have done so often before). I hardly said anything on the phone. I just said "ok" a lot and that was that.

Later, she called back and said they were going to wait until Monday to move her, so as it stands right now, Emmy will be leaving us on Monday. I can hardly even put words together, but I wanted to let everyone know what's going on. This weekend will be filled with tears, packing, printing pictures, and trying to write down everything we can possibly remember to tell Emmy's new parents about her life thus far.

I'm not sure I've shared on here, but I have been training for a half marathon taking place this weekend. We planned for Emmy to stay with someone else Saturday night before my race on Sunday in a different town. We've reconsidered that, and Emmy will be staying with us this weekend after all. I cannot tell you how many references to perseverance have been made in my presence lately and about "running the race set before us" (Heb. 12:1). Wednesday nights, Sunday mornings, and on and on. I have chuckled from time to time as people have made parallels between between training for a race and living a life for Christ. It's all very real to me at this moment. I can hardly wait to get my feet on the pavement Sunday and run that race with every fiber of my being, as an act of worship, believing every step of the way that it is but a small thing compared to The race that lies before me every morning that I wake up...believing even more that the most important race I run is not run by my own strength or stamina, but by God who, by grace, gives me just what I need to endure.

I'll try to post more later when I'm a bit more coherent, but this will help you know how to pray:

• Pray for good memories to be made this weekend.
• Pray for the Lord's strength to help me be at peace for Emmy's sake on Monday.
• Pray for my extended family as they surely grieve with us.
• Pray for the lawyers and case workers who are working together to make this the best transition possible.
• Pray for time to pack and collect memories to send with Emmy.
• Pray that we will find ways to make an eternal impact in Emmy's life over these next few days.

"Have you not known? Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.

He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.

Even youths shall faint and be weary,and young men shall fall exhausted;

but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;  

they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary;  

they shall walk and not faint."

Isaiah 40:28-31

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run,

but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it.

Every athlete exercises self-control in all things.

They do it to receive a perishable wreath,

but we an imperishable."

1 Corinthians 9:24-25