IMPACT Training - Day 1

4 hours down...12 hours to go.

Today was day 1 of 2 for IMPACT training, and it was an eye-opener for sure. Most of what we discussed was an introduction to the world of foster care. We started by running through questions most people are afraid to ask. Here were some of those that I remember:

• How much will it cost to be a foster parent?
• How will I keep my own family safe?
• How will I ever deal with the pain of giving a foster child up?
• How will my family change when we have a foster child?
• Can I be good at this?

After we discussed some of those questions, we had dinner and got to know some of the other prospective foster parents. Probably the most positive part of the evening was the realization that we absolutely adore this agency, and we feel certain that this is where we need to be. We love that it's a small agency in which everyone knows everyone else, and we love the approach that they take to the foster parenting process. We feel like we are in good hands.

After dinner, we watched several video clips to prompt discussion, and it really provided good food for thought. The things my husband and I talked about most on our ride home were:

• Food. Interestingly enough, they said the most common cause of stress in a foster home is the topic of food. The more we put ourselves in the shoes of these kids, the more this made sense. Consider the situation. You've been removed from your home unexpectedly. You've lost your parents. You've lost your pets. You've lost your friends. You've lost everything. For many kids who are used to eating fast food for every meal, how difficult would it be to sit down at a meal in a stranger's house with vegetables and strange food you've not eaten before? In many ways, food is comfort, so that makes this a sticky situation. The social workers provided some scenarios but acknowledged that this is almost always a source of stress and to be prepared.
• Race. Up until today, we have not even hesitated when asked if we would be willing to parent a child of a different race. Of course we would! No problem! Our answer is certainly still yes, but we have a much better understanding of the commitment required for trans cultural parenting. It's important for children to be around people who look like them from time to time, and in our mostly-white community, we would need to make a special effort to make that happen. We would need to be intentional about raising children with an understanding and appreciation for their heritage and culture. It would affect the parts of town where we spend most of our time, the types of toys, dolls, and books we buy, the types of hairdressers we visit, the types of food we eat. It would need to be a bigger shift than we had really considered before. Of course we're both on-board if that's what the Lord has for us.
• Unspoken Rules. The social workers encouraged everyone to raise our awareness of the unspoken rules in our house - the things we consider no-brainers. "Of course we eat our food around the kitchen table together," or "Of course we don't wake up at 2am and raid the refrigerator." Many of these rules are not no-brainers for these kids, so they encourages us to think through every tiny rule and clearly define it (if possible) before kids have the chance to unintentionally break those rules. We'll work on that.
• Empathy. Most of what I took away from today was empathy for the whirlwind of emotions these kids will bring with them when they first arrive in our home. We watched a clip from the movie White Oleander, and it really provided some insight into the abrupt transition these kids are asked to make. One of the social workers put it well when she said, "love is learned and love is earned." There is no reason for these kids to love anyone when they are first taken out of their home and away from their parents. To welcome them into your home and instantly load them down with new rules and expectations is a little unreasonable. I'm thankful to have an agency who will hold our hand through this learning process.

All-in-all, we really enjoyed the evening. We left even more excited than when we arrived, despite all of the worst case scenarios that were shared throughout the evening. We just cannot wait to dive in. Tomorrow, there will be several foster parents and foster kids who will join us for lunch. Then, after lunch, we will have about an hour to sit with them (no agency personnel present) and ask whatever we want to ask. We're excited to see what tomorrow brings. I'll give an update if I'm not completely brain-dead by that point. Sweet dreams!