Doubts

I'm laughing as I read my last post. Right after I posted, everything kind of hit the fan. Thank the Lord I have the greatest mother-in-law ever who came and spent several hours with me. For some reason, it always feels better to have a buddy, and I was really missing my husband.

After I posted, I got word that Zizi would have a visit with her mom after all, so I quickly got lunch together and fed her, packed a bag for the lady who was coming to transport her, and got mentally prepared to have a couple of hours to myself. Then, the transporter arrived, we loaded Zizi into her car seat, and they were off! 10 minutes later, they were back at my door. Zizi's mom apparently had to cancel the visit. Unfortunately, Zizi had already fallen asleep in her car seat. I tried so hard to get her upstairs without waking her, but the second we got to the crib, her eyes opened. She cried for about half an hour before she finally fell asleep. Then, 45 minutes later we loaded the car and headed to the pediatrician's office.(We hunted looooooooong and hard for a pediatrician who would take Zizi as a new patient.) She slept all the way there, did great in the office and slept all the way back. When we got hone, she had dinner & a sponge bath. We changed her diaper, gave her a bottle, and put her to bed...

...whew!!!

Now, it's confession time. I would love to say that at the end of the day, this is such a rewarding experience that the exhaustion and stress all feel worth it. I can't say that tonight. Shamefully, tonight my emotions are yelling "This has been great, but about tomorrow...can I go back to normal tomorrow? I'm really missing my time with my husband, with friends, and at the office with my fun coworkers. I'm missing a life that was easy and predictable, and I'm not sure I'm really ready to sacrifice that." Fortunately, from day one, this has not been a decision based on emotion. The Lord knows what He's doing, and as a sweet sister in the Lord told me tonight, He's going to give me everything I need...every step of the way. I should be in bed now, but all I want to do is snuggle on the couch with my husband and my dog and watch TV.

Please rest well tonight, little one. I can't wait to see you in the morning.