Family Team Meeting

Yesterday was a big day. It was Miss M's first FTM (Family Team Meeting). She, thankfully, didn't need to be present, so she spent her day with Mimi. I did attend the meeting, and I was so thankful that I did. I won't be able to share a whole lot of the details of the meeting, but I'll try to give my general impressions.

The people who were present at the meeting were:

• Miss M's Biological Mom
• A DFACS Supervisor - not directly involved with the case, just overseeing the other DFACS workers
• The DFACS Placement Case Manager - this is the lady who visits our home once a week for 8 weeks to ensure the welfare of Miss M in our home.
• The CCFA (Comprehensive Child and Family Assessment) Coordinator - shearranges mother/child visits, supervises those visits, and assesses the family situation
• The CPS (Child Protective Services) Investigator
• A case manager from my foster care agency and myself
• A facilitator

Everybody sat around a big square table, and the facilitator stood at the front with bit sheets of paper taped on the wall. We went over the agenda, then as we went through the meeting, the Facilitator documented everything that was agreed upon.

The agenda:

• Introductions
• Decide on rules for the meeting
• Family History - this was an opportunity for the biological mother to tell everyone her history, the child's history, and how she has gotten to this point
• Family Strengths - this was where we all identified strengths that the biological mother has and strengths that Miss M has
• Areas for Growth - this was a time to identify areas for improvement for both Miss M and her biological mom
• Family Case Plan - this was when we took the areas for growth and established an overarching goal for the family and steps that need to be taken in order to reach that goal
• Then, the facilitator & CPS investigator worked together to complete some paperwork in which they outlined these proceedings, identified family members who could potentially be contacted to care of the child, etc.

Those are the nuts and bolts of what happened. Let me just take a second to share some of the inner turmoil I struggled with in the meeting. First, when we arrived, the biological mom seemed very angry and stoic, but before we started the meeting, she just started to weep. She is a very young mom who has some mental health issues, and she just seemed very overwhelmed by all that was going on. It really made me sad to watch her struggle across the room from me.

Shortly after that, she was called upon to give her family history, which really hit me hard. I wish I could share some of it here, but I just can't. It was the most pitiful life story I have ever heard, and listening to her share it in such a matter-of-fact way, using her elementary vocabulary just literally broke my heart. I wanted to say, "No wonder!" No wonder she's at this point now when the first 21 years of her life have been the way they are. Who wouldn't have trouble controlling their anger?? Who wouldn't have trouble finding shelter and employment?? What a depressing few moments that was, and I felt so helpless in the corner. I wanted to just go over to her, hug her really tight, and make everything better, but this was such a bigger problem than any of us could fix. "Poor baby," I thought, and I just prayed hard as I stared into her pitiful eyes.

I was so glad that I went to this meeting for several reasons. First, meeting the biological mom really helps me to keep my role in perspective. It's a nice reminder to me that I am not the mother of this baby and that she will leave me someday and go to live with a different permanent family. Second, it was nice to get some glimmers of hope as I watched a couple of the other people in the room treat Miss M's biological mom with deep respect and encouragement. And last but not least, I have come to the conclusion that this system is a huge rumor mill, and most of what I hear ends up being at least partially (if not entirely) untrue. It was so nice to be able to look into the eyes of Miss M's mom and hear her story. It really helped me know how to pray for her, and it helped me to see her with the eyes of Christ rather than with the judgmental eyes we have a tendency to rely on.

They have identified a godmother who has indicated an interest in taking Miss M into her home, and they'll begin a home study for her today. That means that any day next week we could get word that we need to pack her things and give her over to this woman. It was sad to lose Zizi, but I think this one might (ironically) be even harder for me. Even though it took me a bit longer to attach to Miss M, we have been through a lot together over the past week and a half. I have seen her improve dramatically, and I've gotten to know her so well. Handing her over to someone new after all of the progress I have seen will be very difficult for me, but so worth it.

I think the most common response we have gotten to the idea of foster parenting is, "We've thought about doing that, but I think it would just break my heart. I don't think I could handle giving the kids back." Amen, I say. It is hard, and we haven't seen anything yet as we have only had short-term placements so far. However, I was reminded at church the other day that often that is exactly what Christ's calling looks like. He rarely calls us to do things we feel completely comfortable doing. See Paul's words in the book of Acts:

"And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace." - Acts 20:17-38

I can't even begin to compare this journey with the hardships Paul faced in the name of Christ, but it's a challenge, no? Is this caring for orphans thing about us and our comfort level? Or is it about stepping out in faith to get involved in what the Lord is doing in our community? With 13,000 orphans needing homes and only 5,000 homes available, I find it hard to believe that the Lord isn't knocking on the hearts of many more Christians to step in and decide that our lives are worth nothing to us - that it's worth the heartbreak to be the hands and feet of Jesus to hurting people.

Sorry...I know I'm mostly preaching to the choir here, but I've become pretty passionate about this these days. Thank you a million times for all of your prayers. We have really felt them powerfully with Miss M.