I got a phone call at 11:00am asking me to bring Miss M to Fulton County DFACS to return to her mother. Somewhat in shock, I didn't ask many questions at that point, but I later found out that M will be returning to the exact same situation from whence she came, and DFACS will no longer be involved in the case. This was such difficult news for me, because my heart is burdened for M and her mother. Life with a baby is going to be difficult and without any supervision from DFACS, I worry that M may suffer.
As predicted, letting go of Miss M has been far more difficult for me than letting go of Zizi. The case workers from our foster agency are being auditted right now, so no one was able to come with me to drop her off. Therefore, I drove myself to the DFACS office, met up with the Child Protective Services Investigator, gave her a write-up of important information (feeding times and amounts, bedtime, how best to soothe her, things she loves - books, being talked to, hanging toys, walks), unloaded her things, fed her, changed her diaper, took her inside, sat her in her car seat on the floor of the office, and then the Investigator said. "Well, thanks so much! Take care!" I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest as I glanced at that sweet baby girl with a full life ahead of her sitting in her car seat on the floor of a cubicle. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I think the Investigator was a little surprised at my reaction. I sat down beside M for a few seconds, prayed silently over her, kissed her on the forehead, and left her right there to wait for her mother.
On my ride home, I had tears streaming down my face as I listened to these words on the radio:
On no! You never let go!
Through the calm and through the storm.
Oh no! You never let go!
In every high and every low.
Oh no! You never let go!
Lord, you never let go of me!
I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You!
It's interesting to watch the Lord slowly pull my husband and I farther and farther out of our comfort zones. I continue to be thankful that he knows us so well and knows just what we need.
I don't look forward to sleeping through the night tonight. I don't look forward to going to bed with no one to check in on. I just don't look forward to life without M tomorrow, but I cling to this verse as I pray for her uncertain future:
"You, LORD, hear the desire of the afflicted;
you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,
defending the fatherless and the oppressed,
so that mere earthly mortals will never again strike terror."
-Psalm 10:17-18-
Your love and trust in the Lord is encouraging for those of us who are blessed enough to watch Him teach you and use you. I am praying for Miss M, you, your husband and all those who will be in Miss M's life. I don't understand the situation or how God is going to use it, but I am praying for His perfect plan to come through and for His love, grace, comfort and mercy to shower over Miss M and her mother. Thank you for being a strong example of Christ and will pray for your comfort and healing.
ReplyDeleteLove, Christina