Habakkuk

On Friday of this week, I went to a Bible Study with the most amazing moms I know. It was a group of moms who have children with special needs, and it's one of the most authentic groups of women I have the privilege of knowing. I arrived late, but was able to hear one hour of J's testimony. J is the coordinator of the Prayer Ministry at my church, and she has more of a story than I think most people realize. Sitting in that room were women who represented some of the most difficult faith walks I know of, and Jan was no different. Her story of God's faithfulness and His mysterious ways was an amazing reminder to us all.

For me, this brought to the surface some of the fears that I struggle with, and it was only one of the many ways that the Lord has shown up and spoken to me over the past several days. The first came on Thursday morning. I had heard some frightening stories from other foster parents We had also received discouraging news about Miss M's court case and what the future might hold for her. These were the thoughts running through my head:

Maybe I should just stick with fostering infants. It would be way too difficult for me to love older kids with some of these challenging behaviors. I'm not sure I really believe that God can put the pieces back together in the lives of some of these broken children. Lord, honestly, are we really making a difference, because it's hard to believe it sometimes. And, possibly most shamefully...What would other people think if I brought a child to church or to school, and that child bit, hit, spit, or cursed at other kids and adults??

I'm just trying to be candid about my thoughts and my doubts along the way. It is so easy for me to revert back to my worldly eyes and lose sight of the call of Christ. As I was running all of these thoughts through my mind and jotting down notes about Miss M's previous night of feeding and sleeping times, this story came on the Today Show...

Succeed Because of What You've Been Through

I'm not one to say that the Lord speaks through coincidences or through the Today Show of all things, because I think that can put you in dangerous territory. However, what an encouragement this was for me to hear this week! It's hard for me to tell you how much fear subsided and how my faith in the Lord was renewed because of this woman's story.

Then, on Friday, J shared her testimony, and I cried with some of those moms as we left. So many of them struggle with accepting the belief that God is good when they face such turmoil and injustice that seems to go unanswered each and every day. Hearing some of their heartbreak again brought doubts and fears into my heart. God, what are you thinking? Do you really care about us like you promise that you do? Why won't you give these women answers to the prayers they have been praying for years and years?

Then, later this weekend, my heart broke over the news from another dear friend that yet another infertility treatment didn't work for her and her husband. ...Really, Lord? I have a baby girl in my home who was born to a mother who may or may not even care about her child, but these godly parents are going through this struggle again?? These are not new questions, but they've been dropped in my lap repeatedly these past few days.

In the midst of it all, I went to church this morning and heard a beautiful sermon entitled, "Is God's Care Strange?" It was taken from Habakkuk, which is an account of God's conversation with Habakkuk regarding God's seemingly strange plan to raise up the evil Babylonians to destroy Judah. Habakkuk asks in chapter 1 verses 2-4,

"How long, LORD, must I call for help, 

   but you do not listen? 

Or cry out to you, “Violence!” 

   but you do not save? 

Why do you make me look at injustice? 

   Why do you tolerate wrongdoing? 

Destruction and violence are before me; 

   there is strife, and conflict abounds. 

Therefore the law is paralyzed, 

   and justice never prevails. 

The wicked hem in the righteous, 

   so that justice is perverted."

I won't even attempt to recap the sermon here, but it was such an encouragement. Looking at the situation in Habakkuk, the crucifixion of Jesus, and the circumstances that surround us today, it's clear that to us, yes, God's care is so strange, and we need to be careful not to try to apply our logic to these difficult circumstances (or any of life's circumstances, really). Our response, is simply humble submission and a life of faith.

I'll finish with one quote that stuck with me from this morning. The pastor said, "Stop trying to dethrone Him by attempting to control your own circumstances." What a freeing concept and one that I will cling to as we watch the Lord's plan unfold for Miss M's life. Who am I to say that my plans are better than the Lord's? Who am I to think that this broken government system is exempt from God's sovereignty? As odd as the outcome may seem, I will rest in the knowledge that He is sovereign.

I hope I haven't rambled too much. I'm running on fumes these days...